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Sabtu, 25 April 2015
Good afternoon Sania
. I want to give some feedback for your work
11. “William
Henry “Bill” Gates III or commonly (is) known as Bill Gates…” You should add “is
“ before known because it is passive voice.
22.
He
is a business person (who) well-known .it is better if you add who to make
more spesific the subject.
33.
At
Lakeside (, )that Bill Gates first introduced to the world of computer. (At
Lakeside, for the first time Bill Gate introduced to the world about computer)
44. “Through his efforts, he founded (it
is better if you should the other word like established)a software company….”
55. Bill
Gates realesed (released) the operating system that was very successful in the
world market.
66.
“
and (they)have three children, Jennifer Katharine, Rory John, and Phoebe
Adele.” It is better if you add “subject” after and.
77. With
his wife, he founded (established) the charitable foundation named Bill
and Mellinda Gates Foundation from 2000.
88.
There is (a) nice example about Bill Gates . you must add “a”
before nice because “nice” is adj.
99.
“also recognized as a person who has the high
intelligence”. You just relieve “the”
I’m sorry if my feedback is not true , I also
need your comment to correct my feedback
