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Minggu, 26 April 2015
My Dreams
My name is Rohmah Hikmatin. You can call me Rohmah. When i was kid, i have a lots of dreams. that is I wanna be a Painter, a Dancer, a Chef, a Doctor, a Nurse, & many more. But, when I was in High School. I want to be a Breeder of Ornamental Fish, to make my dream come true, i try begin to keep a fish. and I start to buy some fish such as Cupang, Koi-Koi, Mas Koki, Sapu-Sapu, Louhan. But no longer after that, all of my fish was dead. That's make me very sad. But now, after i entered University, I know what should I to do. I have to study so hard to getting Bachelor of Economics. And after I graduate, I want to work in one of the Biggest Banking, such as BI & BCA as a Accountant. And while I'm working, I also have another business. Maybe, I have Green Apple Plantations, try to sell a product, or if not, I will continue to learn of guitar playing until I become a top of guitar player in the world likes Sung Ha Jung, maybe. Finally I want to take my family to Mekkah for Haji/Umrah. I think that's all I can say about my dreams, that's a big dream for simple woman like me. But I believe I can make it happen.
Hello Rohmah. I am Farida Nur Istiqomah and I will give you some feedback.
BalasHapusWhen i was (a) kid.
But, when I was in High School.(,) I want to be a Breeder of Ornamental Fish,(.) to (To) make my dream come (came) true, (For the biginning I tried) to keep a fish. and I start (started) to buy some ..
That's make (made) me very sad.
... such as BI & BCA as a (an) Accountant. Thank you :-)
hai .. :)
HapusTQ for your feedback faridaa. i'll remember it ..
Hello Rohmah, let me give some feedback for this assignment.
BalasHapus1. When i (I) was (a) kid, i (I) have a lots (lot) of dreams. You must use capital letter to write "I", You must also use an article before the kid, because the kid is one.
2. that is I wanna be a Painter, a Dancer, a Chef, a Doctor, a Nurse, & many more. I think the sentence is complicated, you can write it as"I wanna be a painter, a dancer.... I want tell you that the word of painter, dancer, and many more are not use a capital letter.
3. i (use a capital letter "I") try begin to keep a fish. You must not use an article "a" because I'm sure that the fish is more than one.
4. and (remove this word is better) I start (started, because it happens on the past) to buy some fish such as Cupang, Koi-Koi, Mas Koki, Sapu-Sapu, Louhan.
5. all of my fish was (were) dead. Because the subject is more than one.
6. But now, after i (I) (have) entered (a) University. I think you should use a present perfect tense, because you come to the university in the past and now you still in this university.
7. I know what should I to (without to) do. After subject you can not use to.
8. I have to study so hard to getting (get). After the preposition you can not use a word except verb1 or present).
9. such as BI & BCA as a (an) Accountant. The word of accountant should not use a capital letter. I will give you a suggestion, I want to work as an accountant in one of the biggest banking like BI or BCA.
10. And while I'm working, I also have another business. How about use this sentence "I want to have an another business when I'm working".
11. I will continue to learn of (about) guitar playing (playing a guitar).
12. I become a top of guitar player in the world likes (like).
Thank you Rohmah.
BalasHapusThank you soooooo muuuuuuuuch asriiiiii :D that's very help meeee.... but wait.. in point 2 from u, I disagree, I think Profession name is use capital letter, isn't?
BalasHapus