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REVISED WORK #4
BILL GATES
William Henry “Bill” Gates III or commonly is known
as Bill Gates was born in Seatle, Washington on October 28, 1955. He is a well-known
business person of personal computer revolution in the world.
Forbes magazine ranked him between the richest people in the world. He was
ranked first from 1995 to 2009.
Bill was a smart kid, but he was too full of spirit and tend
to often have trouble in school. When he was 11 years old, his parents decided
to send Bill Gates to Lakeside School. At Lakeside, for the first
time Bill Gates introduced to the world of computer.
Through his efforts, he established a software company called Microsoft Corporation and
be successful. Bill Gates became a millionaire. In 1990, Bill Gates released
the operating system that was very successful in the world market.
Bill Gates married with Mellinda French on January 1st,
1994 and they have three children, Jennifer Katharine, Rory John,
and Phoebe Adele. Bill Gates is known for his generosity. With his
wife, he established the charitable foundation named Bill and
Mellinda Gates Foundation from 2000. In 2013 the foundation with a wealth
of assets that can be carried out up to 34,6 billion dollars. Bill Gates also
stated that he would donate half of his fortune to charity.
I'am
very amazed with him. There a is nice example about Bill Gates, though he is the
richest man in the world, and also recognized as a person who has high
intelligence, Gates never underestimate the learning process.
Gates still considers important
continuous learning. He also created the ritual for himself called as "Think
Week". Every year, for a full week, Gates will isolate themselves and
spend the time to read the news, information or latest books are close related
to the world of computers, technology and engineering. After that, he will
think how to take advantage of the new knowledge gained.
Feedback Work#4 for Sania Anggita
Good afternoon Sania
. I want to give some feedback for your work
11. “William
Henry “Bill” Gates III or commonly (is) known as Bill Gates…” You should add “is
“ before known because it is passive voice.
22.
He
is a business person (who) well-known .it is better if you add who to make
more spesific the subject.
33.
At
Lakeside (, )that Bill Gates first introduced to the world of computer. (At
Lakeside, for the first time Bill Gate introduced to the world about computer)
44. “Through his efforts, he founded (it
is better if you should the other word like established)a software company….”
55. Bill
Gates realesed (released) the operating system that was very successful in the
world market.
66.
“
and (they)have three children, Jennifer Katharine, Rory John, and Phoebe
Adele.” It is better if you add “subject” after and.
77. With
his wife, he founded (established) the charitable foundation named Bill
and Mellinda Gates Foundation from 2000.
88.
There is (a) nice example about Bill Gates . you must add “a”
before nice because “nice” is adj.
99.
“also recognized as a person who has the high
intelligence”. You just relieve “the”
I’m sorry if my feedback is not true , I also
need your comment to correct my feedback
WORK #4
BILL GATES
 |
| Source : Google. |
William Henry “Bill” Gates III or
commonly known as Bill Gates was born in Seatle, Washington on October 28,
1955. He is a business person well-known personal computer revolution in the
world. Forbes magazine ranked him between the richest people in the world.
He was ranked first from 1995 to 2009.
Bill was a smart kid, but he was
too full of spirit and tend to often have trouble in school. When he was 11 years old, his parent decided to send Bill Gates to Lakeside School. At Lakeside
that Bill Gates first introduced to the world of computer.
Through his efforts, he founded a
software company called Microsoft Corporation and be
successful. Bill Gates became a millionaire. In 1990, Bill Gates realesed the operating system that was very successful in the world market.
Bill Gates married with Mellinda
French on January 1, 1994 and have three children, Jennifer Katharine, Rory
John, and Phoebe Adele. Bill Gates is known for his
generosity. With his wife, he founded the charitable foundation named Bill and
Mellinda Gates Foundation from 2000. In 2013 the foundation with a wealth of
assets that can be carried out up to 34,6 billion dollars. Bill Gates also
stated that he would donate half of his fortune to charity.
I'am very amazed with him. There is nice example
about Bill Gates, though he is the richest man in the world, and also recognized as a person who has the high intelligence, Gates never
underestimate the learning process.
Gates still considers
important continuous learning. He also created the ritual for himself called as "Think Week". Every year, for a full week, Gates will
isolate themselves and spend the time to read the news, information or latest
books are close related to the world of computers, technology and
engineering. After that, he will think how to take advantage of the new
knowledge gained.
Nb: Perhaps this is all I can say about Bill Gates. Sorry if too short. I'am still learning. Please correct my writing. Thank You :)
